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rheinsbergToday's installment of gossipy sensationalism, which I cobbled together from English, German, and Italian Wikipedia: La Barbarina, 18th century superstar dancer, unabashedly living the celebrity life.
Barbarina: *is having sex with her royal patron*
Barbarina: *has sex with someone else*
Royal patron: *catches them*
Big scandal: *ensues*
Barbarina: Oops! Guess I'll sneak out of Paris before that catches up with me.
Royal patron: No, no! It's cool, you're cool. Just come back and keep dancing and sleeping with me. Here's some money and a promise of total freedom.
Barbarina: Well, that worked out! Royal patrons are very chill, gotcha.
Fast forward to 1743...
Barbarina: *accepts a contract to go to Berlin and work for Fritz*
Barbarina: Changed my mind! I'm going to elope to Venice instead with my bf James Stuart-Mackenzie and get married. The marriage totally nullifies any contract I had with Fritz, and I am now off scot-free.
Fritz: Not so fast, young lady. Republic of Venice, you know what to do.
Venetian officials: Well, you know, we'd love to, but...uh, we may have heard things about working for you, and, well, we'll think about it.
All of Europe: Fritz the soon-to-be-Great vs the most famous dancer in Europe. What do?
Prussia: *saber-rattling*
Jean-Jacques Rousseau to Barbarina, on behalf of France: You should totally keep your word to France's BFF Fritz, just like we trust Fritz to always keep his word. [Chronology note: in two years, Fritz will abandon his alliance with the French for the second time.]
Barbarina: I'm not sure why I found his recent pamphlet on keeping your word so unconvincing, but nope. Nothing doing. [Fritz's Anti-Machiavel pamphlet was published just two months before he invaded Silesia.]
Spain: You're sure? He kind of has an army and is starting to demonstrate that he knows how to use it.
Barbarina: Is MT sure she wants to stand up to him? Is the Pope Catholic? Yes, I'm sure. It's true love, and I'm staying with my boyfriend. Who is totally my husband, in case you were wondering, MT. [Pious MT was a big believer in policing--literally--everyone else's sex lives and making sure no one was "whoring around", aka having sex outside of marriage.]
Hungary: Well, you're technically a subject of MT, so I guess she should have a say in this. [Wikipedia is not clear on whose side she's taking here, the contract-breaking whore or the contract-breaking evil man in Potsdam, but I'm sure that was interesting.]
England: Don't look at me, boyfriend/husband James Stuart-Mackenzie. Marrying a dancer is way beneath you.
Fritz: Oh, hey, look! It's the Venetian ambassador passing through my territory on his way back from London. I can settle this all right now.
Fritz: *seizes the baggage of the ambassador, looks smugly in the direction of Venice*
Venice: *sigh*
Venice: *hands Barbarina over to Fritz*
Barbarina: Wow, that was less chill than I was expecting, but I'm sure it's just because my new patron wants me as bad as my last one did. Which I'm sure means he'll let me do whatever I want now that I'm here.
Barbarina: High starting salary with the possibility of a raise?
Fritz: Well, I guess after pissing off Venice like that after having just pissed off Austria by invading, I have to follow through on actually wanting you.
Barbarina: Generous vacation package?
Fritz: I don't know how you and Schmeling [who also got a rare high salary out of him] talk me into these things, but fine. ONLY if you don't get married, though. Yes, I want that in writing.
Barbarina: Sweet! New royal patron is chill after all. Affair with my royal patron?
Historians: *debate*
Contemporaries and historians: *observe that she has masculine legs from all the dancing* [ETA: Apparently this was good old Voltaire throwing more shade at Fritz. Voltaire always delivers.]
Fritz: *refuses to confirm or deny*
Debate: *continues*
Meanwhile, in 1749:
Cocceji, son of Prussian official: Barbarina, I love you! Will you accept my marriage proposal on the open stage?
Barbarina: Experience has taught me that I can get away with murder, so yes! I accept your Fritz-contract-violating proposal on the open stage.
Barbarina: Hey, Fritz. I want to go to London with my lover. How about it? [Fritz, after his traumatic experience trying to escape to London with his lover, was notorious as king about everyone else permission to go to London with their lovers.]
Fritz: You have a contract, missy. Cocceji, that's prison for you.
Barbarina: *escapes to London* [Someone made it!]
Fritz: *pardons Cocceji like a good enlightened monarch and lets Barbarina come back, thus proving she can get away with murder*
Barbarina: *promptly marries Cocceji in secret*
Fritz: OMFG. You give them an inch and they take a mile. Okay, watch this. I'm going to be nice and make you governor, Cocceji...of a city way out in the middle of nowhere in Silesia, far from that Hollywood lifestyle your wife is used to living.
Cocceji: *is authoritarian and unfaithful*
Barbarina and Cocceji: *separate after only a few years, eventually get divorced*
Fritz: Marwitz, Mara, Ulrika, Kaphengst, Cocceji*...I'm telling you people, when I don't want you to do something, it's for your own good. It's always for your own good. Lehndorff, you'll thank me for this in 1756.
* These are some of the many examples of Fritz trying to keep people away from other people, where the relationship ended up imploding. In Lehndorff's case, he was successful, so we'll never know how that relationship would have worked out. Also, some of those are in Barbarina's future, so assume Fritz has a crystal ball in that line. ;)
The quote from Voltaire's memoirs on Fritz being in love with Barbarina because she had masculine legs: "The King was a bit in love with her, since she had legs like a man. The only incomprehensible thing was that he paid her a salary of 52000 Lives. His Italian poet only received a salary of 12000 Livres; but you must consider he was ugly, and couldn't dance. In short, Barbarina all on her lonesome received more than three Prussian cabinet ministers put together."
We don't know which Italian poet, but Voltaire goes on to say this about him in the next paragraph:
As for the Italian poet, he one day took care to pay himself with his own hands, for he stript off the gold from the ornaments in an old chapel of the first King of Prussia's; on which occasion Frederick remarked, that as he never went to the chapel he had lost nothing. Besides, he had lately written a dissertation in favour of thieves, which is printed in the collections of his academy; and he did not think proper this time to contradict his writings by his actions.
"This time" aka unlike with the Anti-Machiavel, obviously.
Ouch.
Barbarina: *is having sex with her royal patron*
Barbarina: *has sex with someone else*
Royal patron: *catches them*
Big scandal: *ensues*
Barbarina: Oops! Guess I'll sneak out of Paris before that catches up with me.
Royal patron: No, no! It's cool, you're cool. Just come back and keep dancing and sleeping with me. Here's some money and a promise of total freedom.
Barbarina: Well, that worked out! Royal patrons are very chill, gotcha.
Fast forward to 1743...
Barbarina: *accepts a contract to go to Berlin and work for Fritz*
Barbarina: Changed my mind! I'm going to elope to Venice instead with my bf James Stuart-Mackenzie and get married. The marriage totally nullifies any contract I had with Fritz, and I am now off scot-free.
Fritz: Not so fast, young lady. Republic of Venice, you know what to do.
Venetian officials: Well, you know, we'd love to, but...uh, we may have heard things about working for you, and, well, we'll think about it.
All of Europe: Fritz the soon-to-be-Great vs the most famous dancer in Europe. What do?
Prussia: *saber-rattling*
Jean-Jacques Rousseau to Barbarina, on behalf of France: You should totally keep your word to France's BFF Fritz, just like we trust Fritz to always keep his word. [Chronology note: in two years, Fritz will abandon his alliance with the French for the second time.]
Barbarina: I'm not sure why I found his recent pamphlet on keeping your word so unconvincing, but nope. Nothing doing. [Fritz's Anti-Machiavel pamphlet was published just two months before he invaded Silesia.]
Spain: You're sure? He kind of has an army and is starting to demonstrate that he knows how to use it.
Barbarina: Is MT sure she wants to stand up to him? Is the Pope Catholic? Yes, I'm sure. It's true love, and I'm staying with my boyfriend. Who is totally my husband, in case you were wondering, MT. [Pious MT was a big believer in policing--literally--everyone else's sex lives and making sure no one was "whoring around", aka having sex outside of marriage.]
Hungary: Well, you're technically a subject of MT, so I guess she should have a say in this. [Wikipedia is not clear on whose side she's taking here, the contract-breaking whore or the contract-breaking evil man in Potsdam, but I'm sure that was interesting.]
England: Don't look at me, boyfriend/husband James Stuart-Mackenzie. Marrying a dancer is way beneath you.
Fritz: Oh, hey, look! It's the Venetian ambassador passing through my territory on his way back from London. I can settle this all right now.
Fritz: *seizes the baggage of the ambassador, looks smugly in the direction of Venice*
Venice: *sigh*
Venice: *hands Barbarina over to Fritz*
Barbarina: Wow, that was less chill than I was expecting, but I'm sure it's just because my new patron wants me as bad as my last one did. Which I'm sure means he'll let me do whatever I want now that I'm here.
Barbarina: High starting salary with the possibility of a raise?
Fritz: Well, I guess after pissing off Venice like that after having just pissed off Austria by invading, I have to follow through on actually wanting you.
Barbarina: Generous vacation package?
Fritz: I don't know how you and Schmeling [who also got a rare high salary out of him] talk me into these things, but fine. ONLY if you don't get married, though. Yes, I want that in writing.
Barbarina: Sweet! New royal patron is chill after all. Affair with my royal patron?
Historians: *debate*
Contemporaries and historians: *observe that she has masculine legs from all the dancing* [ETA: Apparently this was good old Voltaire throwing more shade at Fritz. Voltaire always delivers.]
Fritz: *refuses to confirm or deny*
Debate: *continues*
Meanwhile, in 1749:
Cocceji, son of Prussian official: Barbarina, I love you! Will you accept my marriage proposal on the open stage?
Barbarina: Experience has taught me that I can get away with murder, so yes! I accept your Fritz-contract-violating proposal on the open stage.
Barbarina: Hey, Fritz. I want to go to London with my lover. How about it? [Fritz, after his traumatic experience trying to escape to London with his lover, was notorious as king about everyone else permission to go to London with their lovers.]
Fritz: You have a contract, missy. Cocceji, that's prison for you.
Barbarina: *escapes to London* [Someone made it!]
Fritz: *pardons Cocceji like a good enlightened monarch and lets Barbarina come back, thus proving she can get away with murder*
Barbarina: *promptly marries Cocceji in secret*
Fritz: OMFG. You give them an inch and they take a mile. Okay, watch this. I'm going to be nice and make you governor, Cocceji...of a city way out in the middle of nowhere in Silesia, far from that Hollywood lifestyle your wife is used to living.
Cocceji: *is authoritarian and unfaithful*
Barbarina and Cocceji: *separate after only a few years, eventually get divorced*
Fritz: Marwitz, Mara, Ulrika, Kaphengst, Cocceji*...I'm telling you people, when I don't want you to do something, it's for your own good. It's always for your own good. Lehndorff, you'll thank me for this in 1756.
* These are some of the many examples of Fritz trying to keep people away from other people, where the relationship ended up imploding. In Lehndorff's case, he was successful, so we'll never know how that relationship would have worked out. Also, some of those are in Barbarina's future, so assume Fritz has a crystal ball in that line. ;)
The quote from Voltaire's memoirs on Fritz being in love with Barbarina because she had masculine legs: "The King was a bit in love with her, since she had legs like a man. The only incomprehensible thing was that he paid her a salary of 52000 Lives. His Italian poet only received a salary of 12000 Livres; but you must consider he was ugly, and couldn't dance. In short, Barbarina all on her lonesome received more than three Prussian cabinet ministers put together."
We don't know which Italian poet, but Voltaire goes on to say this about him in the next paragraph:
As for the Italian poet, he one day took care to pay himself with his own hands, for he stript off the gold from the ornaments in an old chapel of the first King of Prussia's; on which occasion Frederick remarked, that as he never went to the chapel he had lost nothing. Besides, he had lately written a dissertation in favour of thieves, which is printed in the collections of his academy; and he did not think proper this time to contradict his writings by his actions.
"This time" aka unlike with the Anti-Machiavel, obviously.
Ouch.
